Ooh boy this thread!

Special thanks to Brian Poe for helping illuminate the viewpoint of the well-intentioned-but-leery. Discussing this with people who are edgelording asshats and with the wellmeaning but leery is two very different conversations…made more difficult by the fact that edgelords attempt to, and demand to, be treated with the same respect and benefit of the doubt as the leery-but-reasonable.

It also strikes me, specifically relevant to those who say the proper response to problems is to man up and talk about it —

There are two major mental models for what rules are.

Are rules guidelines we all follow, to help prevent problems?

Are rules traps, used to punish or expel problem people?

If one lives in the second brainspace, then of course we should talk about this as adults: more rules create more opportunities for sniping each other for rules violations. Every rule you add is an extra danger I need to watch out for.

So here’s the thing. If you’re worried to run games because someone might accuse you of being a terrible person, you’re facing a hazard. You can’t identify all these people: sure, many are women or minorities, but as recent polls show, democrat men are more feminist than conservative women right now. Also, if you’re a dude you probably haven’t had advanced training in noticing discomfort or distress. Danger lurks in every corner!

Enter safety rules.

Taping a card or pointing at a flower or talking about lines and veils — these are big clue-hammers that let you know when somebody’s getting uncomfortable. And uncomfortable people are the ones who accuse you of being a nasty edgelord later. Danger!

Yes danger. But now you’ve made your spot check and see the pit trap. You can address it, walk around it, lay a plank over it. Saying “I didn’t see the pit there” doesn’t prevent your character from taking falling damage, and saying “I didn’t see they were uncomfortable” doesn’t prevent people from thinking you did something wrong.

And, if you do have a safety tool and use it, you have evidence in your favor if someone calls you an edgelord later. You can say “I’m not perfect but I’m trying. We were using the X-card and I did a check-in. It looks like I didn’t do it quite right, can you help me know what to do next time?” And now you’re in an “I’m learning, please teach me” position instead of defending that you’re not a bad person.

X-cards protect well-meaning but not-yet-skilled listeners. If you’re scared of running con games, here’s your safety gear.